Conflict resolution is, in theory, quite simple. Nevertheless who among us hasn't experienced times when our sense flies out the window and even the most basic skills desert us. Those times demonstrate that conflict resolution may be easy, however is far from easy. Let's have a look at why.
Most approaches to collaborative conflict resolution incorporate a few common principles:
o Hear the other person out
o Ask them the reasons for their perspective
o Make a case for your perspective
o Explore ways in which to maneuver forward
This appears pretty basic and logical, however conflict usually devolves into an argument (or is avoided in the least costs for concern it will erupt.) Even conflict resolution professionals can sheepishly admit to "losing it" every now and then in the heat of the moment. An acquaintance and colleague is an M.I.T. graduate and former aerospace engineer. He tells people "this conflict resolution stuff isn't rocket science - it's a heap harder." What makes it thus?
I blame our "gremlins" - imaginary, invisible beings who experience causing mischief. In his simple, yet insightful book Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide to Enjoying Yourself, Richard Carson uses the term to represent the unhelpful inner voice - the "narrator in your head". In applying Carson's work to conflict, I've discovered specialized "conflict gremlins" that hinder us from resolving conflict effectively. They sometimes replicate our natural impulse to fight, flight or freeze. In fairness to our gremlins, they mean well and believe they're helping us survive. However the fight or flight impulse that serves to protect us from a physical threat will undermine our efforts to resolve interpersonal conflict.
A fight gremlin, for instance, fuels our self-righteousness and urges us to shield ourselves by attacking the other person (or their harebrained ideas.) If you discover yourself thinking "How dare they!" "What a jerk." and "I don't have to take this!" you're likely tuning in to your fight gremlin. Flight gremlins, on the other hand, reinforce our role as innocent (and helpless) victim, whose survival depends on avoiding the conflict. Thoughts like "Get me out of here!" or "Help - this is not safe." earmark the flight gremlin. Even the impulse to freeze within the face of conflict stems from a basic survival impulse ("if I do not move, perhaps I will blend in with the woodwork and nobody can notice me".) While this may work for a deer in the woods, it hardly helps us resolve a conflict.
Thus what will you are doing with your gremlins? Firstly, acknowledge and settle for them. Debating your gremlin simply empowers it and distracts you. You may be better off to reflect on when and why they appear. In the movie A Stunning Mind the central character, John Nash, is asked whether he still sees his imaginary friends (symptomatic of his mental disorder.) He replies"No, they're not gone. But I've gotten used to ignoring them and so I assume they've given up on me." This can be sound recommendation for dealing with gremlins. Gremlins are so effective in sabotaging our conflicts because we do not even acknowledge them. Here are a few things you can do to stay your gremlins from sabotaging you in conflict:
1. Know your triggers. We have a tendency to all experience certain behaviours, mannerisms or words that anger us and dim our capacity to reason. Being conscious of your triggers allows you to depersonalize those attacks, maintain your cool, and house these behaviours constructively.
2. Bear in mind to breathe. As elementary as this sounds, the strain that accompanies conflict usually constricts our respiration at a time we tend to most want to relax and centre ourselves. Even taking one or 2 deep breaths will buy your time to assess matters and avoid knee-jerk reactions. (And whereas you are breathing in, you will not be talking!)
3. Develop an inner coach to remind you what you recognize in theory, but forget in the moment. You inner coach would possibly remind you to "breathe", reassure you that "this is not life-threatening" or encourage you to "impede". You can create an inner coach by asking yourself what you'd most need to recollect in the warmth of a possible conflict. I've found the mantra "stay curious" has proven invaluable over the years, both personally and professionally.
Skills and data are necessary to resolve conflict, but can be useless unless we bear in mind to use them. So next time you find yourself in conflict await your gremlin. When it appears, acknowledge it, thank it for its input, however trust your inner coach instead. You may be pleasantly stunned at how "straightforward" things can appear and how effective you will be.
Author Resource:-
Jeff Hunt has been writing articles online for nearly 2 years now. Not only does this author specialize in communication,you can also check out his latest website about:
Handheld Gps Units Which reviews and lists the best
Garmin Hand Held Gps Units
![[Valid RSS feed]](http://www.healthandwealth4you.com/images/icon_Rss.png "XML Feed For RSS"){kind=icon}
Category Rss Feed
Print This Article
Add To Favorites
