So your marriage has ended, but you feel it might be time to get back on the playing field. It is important to be absolutely sure that the time is right, so you should ask yourself a few simple questions to know for sure whether or not you're truly ready.
1. Am I emotionally ready to move forward?
2. Can I start something new without carrying baggage from my marriage into the next relationship?
3. Have I applied the lessons I learned from my marriage so I do not repeat the mistakes?
4. Am I truly open to someone’s conversation, time, and touch?
It is important to note that you really need to check in and make sure you are being completely open to your own emotions; it is vital to allow yourself to grieve. Certain factors such as how long you were together versus how long it's been since you separated really do play into being ready to look for love again. Divorce can be devastating and it is not always easy to bounce back from. Make sure that you have a solid support system behind you, including parents, siblings, friends, a therapist if needed, and ensure that you have someone to talk to as often as you need.
That said, as long as you have gone through the checklist let’s get you back on the market.
There has never really been one single path to love. The number one, most important thing when trying to find someone new, especially when you are coming out of a divorce, is to make yourself open and available to romance. Because of your long marriage and your recent divorce, you may feel like you have put yourself in a shell. Protecting yourself from the single world because you’ve been off the market for so many years and let’s face it, the single world is scary. You do not have to jump in feet first though, if hesitation has gotten the better of you, just put a toe in and test the waters first.
Look around you and notice the things and people that you’ve never noticed before. Remember, stay consciously open to romance wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself, which is probably in more places than you realized. That cute guy that you see at the supermarket from time to time has been smiling at you for a reason. The pretty woman at the office that works in the far department goes out of her way to walk by your desk, and it is not for the exercise. Strike up a conversation and see what happens. Relax! You have been through this before. You just have to remember how.
So there it is, the magic formula. There are no tricks, nothing up the sleeve, and no sacrificed animals. The one and only key you need to get yourself back on the market is to be open to it. You have to be open to have the conversation, open to asking for or accepting the date, and open to putting yourself out there to eventually be cared for and loved once again.
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